Now summer is gone.
And might never have been.
In the sunshine it’s warm.
But there has to be more.

10 mg PO qDay; may increase to 20 mg/day

Most of the time I can handle the people, the grimaces. Worst case, I just put my earphones in my ears and look at my cell phone. Sometimes the world still manages to come through to me though. Then I panic. If I‘m sitting in public transport, I get out. If I‘m in a place with many people around me, I go outside or I go home.

It all came to pass,
All fell into my hands
Like a five-petalled leaf,
But there has to be more.

There are different things that can soothe the discomfort. Sometimes I get carried away by daydreams. I construct worlds which aren‘t so. I don‘t know if I like these worlds. However, if I spend time exploring them, knowing that I can control them like lucid dreams, then this control gives me peace of mind. It only becomes dangerous when I become aware of my own physical presence again. When the hands molding these worlds are no longer the ones of an avat- ar, but my own. Then I become aware of my limits again und the worlds come crashing down.

10 mg PO qDay; may increase to 20 mg/day after 4 weeks

Nothing evil was lost,
Nothing good was in vain,
All ablaze with clear light
But there has to be more.

5 mg PO qDay over 1 week period; then 10 mg PO qDay; may increase to 20 mg/day

The structures and regularities can be comfortable when I‘m working. If I really put myself into it and go to work at the same time every day, then it all also works out quite alright. It‘s best when the sequences are always the same. My social life is reduced, but it works out fine for a while. But every now and then I catch myself thinking about paral- el existences. I don‘t know what other people are doing and wish that I wasn‘t so far away from others.

Life gathered me up
Safe under its wing,
My luck always held,
But there has to be more.

Every morning I fiddle a tiny, round, white thing out of a wrapper made of plastic and aluminum. I‘ve also chewed up the tablet. It‘s a little bit bitter but tastes like almost nothing. To be honest, I can‘t really describe the effect. All I know is that – if I don‘t take the tablet for a few days – I become dizzy and I start feeling nauseous. I have no clue if it was the placebo effect, but the first time I took the tablet, the landscape looked remarkably pretty. I didn‘t have to control it in order to relish it. So every morning I get up, take a tablet, and start my day.

initially 5 mg PO qDay; may increase to 20 mg/day

Not a leaf was burnt up
Not a twig ever snapped
Clean as glass is the day,
But there has to be more.

text: unanimous consent
text: exerpt from compendium
text: Arseny Tarkowsky, There has to be more, 197